Last year was quite a year. It was long, emotional and arduous. Even though I achieved a lot, I was tested in more ways than I could have ever imagined. While I am proud of the woman that emerged, I have to say that there are some realisations that truly broke my heart in 2019. In fact by the end of the 1st quarter, I felt burnt out and emotionally drained. Between a career plateau, a health scare and lots of relationship (family and friends) drama, I decided to take a step back and evaluate my life decisions.
I felt perpetually stuck in a rut and my plan was to slow down and spend every bit of my spare time reflecting; combing through all the steps that I had taken to get to this place where I felt completely stuck. Needless to say, it was difficult. I experienced a range of emotions; all raw, all vivid, all unexpected. Even my dreams were peculiar. In my waking hours, I went from panic, at the thought that I had wasted my time investing in the wrong career and the wrong relationships to sadness at the notion that I was running out of time and resources to get it right to downright grief. Initially I couldn’t quite pin point the source of my grief but eventually I narrowed it down to having to let go of the possibility that things could have turned out differently.
I spent weeks brooding, mulling over things that I could have or should have said or done differently until I finally made peace with my life and where I am. It was a process, it was difficult, it was winding but it was all worth it because I gained clarity , a renewed sense of direction and dare I say, a deeper level of self-respect.
The most valuable lessons I learnt were:
- To have peace and happiness, you have to set boundaries and learn to say NO !
- The best way to deal with disrespectful or manipulative people is to give them a wide berth or to walk away.
- It’s important to keep going. Take a break when you need to (not for too long , otherwise you can get stuck all over again) but then get up, dust yourself off and keep moving.
- Done is better than perfect.
- God loves me (and you too by the way 🙂 ) and he’s looking out for me, even when it doesn’t feel that way.
I’m glad to say I came out on the other side and that I ended 2019 strong and began 2020 on a good note; surrounded by love and rearing to work on my goals. My faith grew tremendously in 2019 and I can honestly say that I am truly excited about the future and all the possibilities that it holds. I’m particularly excited about getting back to the business of blogging.
This year, I’m introducing some interesting new segments on this blog, inspired by my 2019 journey and i’m thrilled to have the opportunity to interview my favourite authors.
I look forward to sharing good art, inspiration and a little bit of my life with you.
Here’s to an amazing year!
xoxo,
Zawadi
